March of the Summer Comic-Book Movies:

There're so many comic-inspired movies coming out this summer, I need to sort them out. Let's start with a list, chronologically by release date:

1. We have a new, potentially improved, and the potential is huge here, since Ang Lee's version stunk to high hell, Hulk movie. (The Ice Storm? Sense and Sensibility? Tortilla Soup? Lee is obviously a great fit for a movie about a fucking comic book character.) The new trailer:


Release date: June 13th

2. We have Wanted, INCREDIBLY-LOOSELY based on this comic of the same name:


Release date: June 27th

3. Next is the totally stellar comic, Hellboy. This is a sequel to the 2004 release:


Release date: June 28th

4. Hancock, a seemingly peripheral character in a handful of comics, will be released on July 2nd:




5. Lastly, we also have the new Batman movie, thankfully more Miller than Burton. Don't get me wrong, I like Tim Burton, I just like my Batman a bit more serious, his villains a bit more deranged and dangerous:


Release date July 18th.

And now I have a serious concern to address, in order to stay true to the comic book fans:

Q: Comic book movies usually suck (read: are grossly commercial, highly inaccurate), how can I defend being excited by some of these trailers?

A: Well, anonymous comic book fan, the answer to that is simple: I don't care. I know, the fact that they had to use some minor, 3rd tier character to make a superhero movie with a black lead is really telling, and yes, Wanted is totally off-base and going to be just a huge load of shit. Really, Angelina Jolie is going to stand around being Angelina and there's nothing we can do to stop it. I love comics as much as the next nerd, and yes, I also was out of my mind pissed off that Arnold Schwarzenegger played Mr. Freeze, really that he got anywhere near the whole Batman thing, but there's not much we can do about it now. Actually, the worse injustice was letting Joel "Dying Young--Phantom of the Opera--St. Elmo's Fire" Schumacher anywhere near Batman. "Dying Young" for God's sake! It's the aforementioned Ang Lee syndrome: you just don't let men who believe they are capable of writing their own subtext near comic book movies: they end up believing there is no subtext and write their own terrible underpinnings that end up undermining the whole project: Batman: great, careful, complex subtext! He embodies both hero and villain! He is the Joker! He is Two Face! Classic! Hulk: full of nuclear war responsibility/free will commentary! Use the subtext already written, assholes!

But I digress, the point is comics are fun and smart and interesting and I like coupling the joy I get from reading them with the effects Hollywood has to offer. Does that forgive casting misappropriations and directors taking too much digression with story lines and characters? No, of course not. Do those digressions ruin all the excitement and discussion and fun that come out of viewing the films? Again, of course not.

Really, potentially the most exciting comic book to movie release is the furthest away, with no trailers to link to and a release date of sometime in 2009. In the meantime we can entertain ourselves by wondering, who watches the watchmen?

Of course this has potential for being terrible all over it...but c'mon, the Comedian looks awesome! Aren't you a little excited? Shed those cynical layers and disdain for the popular appropriation of your previously shunned genre and bask in the acceptance of loosely-related, commercialized versions of your heroes! It's the only way you'll ever see Night Owl decked out like Batman ready to kick more ass than his comic-book incarnation ever could (you know his comic-self is a bit eh, well, lame: his costume made him out to be more super gay bird watcher than superhero). I'm sure I'll catch hell for that last bit: I know, I know, that was the point of Watchmen, that they were un-heroes, but I always rooted for Night Owl, both of them, and wanted them to be, well, stronger characters than they were portrayed. Here is my chance to see it. And that's what comics often are all about, isn't it? They strive for the potential to transcend limitations, the imagination to overcome the boundaries of a medium, be it that of a mild-mannered alter-ego or an underrated art form.